21st December 2020
5 days before Christmas. It has been 3 years since I last blogged. We had a big quarrel about our marriage. He said I am a very careless person and it made him tired. I told him I tried my best to do the best for him but he said my best wasn’t good enough for him. Should I quit this marriage? Should I not try (anymore)?
Tell me what should I do? Mom – I never have any good relationships in my life. I always tried to be a nice person but who really appreciates me and stay with me till the end? These Ghosts always come back to haunt me. Should I really give up? Is it as easy as that? He kept saying that even though I try it is futile. Am I blind, why do I always chose a man that doesn’t see the good in me? Should I just try to be alone and grow old by myself …
For 3 years of our marriage, I always compromised and do my best for him. yes, I’m sure he did his part too but I am pretty sure my love and sacrifice are more than him. Every time he said some words, it cut in my heart. Its just so hurtful, like slices of dagger digging in my skin. Yet I endured, yet I smiled and say ok. I should love myself more huh, why do I let myself be belittle by guys like that? I definitely deserve more, why do I short change myself? Mom if you are still around, I’m sure you will ask me to leave him. Just like what you did to my 1st one. Alas, you are not around to comfort me now. I have only myself to comfort myself.
Think, what should I do? should I just end this? sure I will be sad (why not) but perhaps its also good for him, since he feels tired with me. If we stay together, in time to come he will feel tired again. As he said its a cycle. Yeah ghosts will always stick around and haunt us … its a bad cycle. Evil. Better to leave this evil world huh.. why suffer?
What is marriage? Should couples just divorce when they have quarrels? Why do couples not try hard enough? Many marriages fail because 1 party does not want to try. My point of view is that if you feel that you cannot give someone the happiness and make them feel bless then don’t MARRY, don’t make them suffer. Please stay away and go live in solitude. Shouldn’t they try to resolve it? Maybe I’m not suitable to get married. Maybe its better to be alone..
I feel very sad.. really sad.. broken like pieces..
pinkypeas 