Ghosts of the past

 

21st December 2020

5 days before Christmas. It has been 3 years since I last blogged. We had a big quarrel about our marriage. He said I am a very careless person and it made him tired. I told him I tried my best to do the best for him but he said my best wasn’t good enough for him. Should I quit this marriage? Should I not try (anymore)?

Tell me what should I do? Mom – I never have any good relationships in my life. I always tried to be a nice person but who really appreciates me and stay with me till the end? These Ghosts always come back to haunt me. Should I really give up? Is it as easy as that? He kept saying that even though I try it is futile. Am I blind, why do I always chose a man that doesn’t see the good in me? Should I just try to be alone and grow old by myself …

For 3 years of our marriage, I always compromised and do my best for him. yes, I’m sure he did his part too but I am pretty sure my love and sacrifice are more than him. Every time he said some words, it cut in my heart. Its just so hurtful, like slices of dagger digging in my skin. Yet I endured, yet I smiled and say ok. I should love myself more huh, why do I let myself be belittle by guys like that? I definitely deserve more, why do I short change myself? Mom if you are still around, I’m sure you will ask me to leave him. Just like what you did to my 1st one. Alas, you are not around to comfort me now. I have only myself to comfort myself.

Think, what should I do? should I just end this? sure I will be sad (why not) but perhaps its also good for him, since he feels tired with me. If we stay together, in time to come he will feel tired again. As he said its a cycle. Yeah ghosts will always stick around and haunt us … its a bad cycle. Evil. Better to leave this evil world huh.. why suffer?

What is marriage? Should couples just divorce when they have quarrels? Why do couples not try hard enough? Many marriages fail because 1 party does not want to try. My point of view is that if you feel that you cannot give someone the happiness and make them feel bless then don’t MARRY, don’t make them suffer. Please stay away and go live in solitude. Shouldn’t they try to resolve it? Maybe I’m not suitable to get married. Maybe its better to be alone..

I feel very sad.. really sad.. broken like pieces..

 

Hong Kong Vibram 100 – Cold cold cold

Date: 23rd January 2016

Distance : 100km

Completed 52km

Last weekend was HK100. So I was already having jitters since the day I signed up and not sure whether I will complete it or not. Up to 2 days before raceday, I had nightmares about it. I worried if I will be able to complete it.

So the day came nearer. Me and Kim left for Taoyuan airport to catch our flight to HK. Alas, halfway journey he realised he forgot his Passport. And so we detour back to his apartment and got his passport.. worried that we will miss the flight! The original flight was scheduled for 1205pm and at 1130am we are still on the road towards the airport… and also it was raining that day. Thankfully the driver sped and got us to airport in good time, we ran quickly to the checkin-row only to realise that the flight has been delayed by almost an hour! phew! God save the day! Fast forward, we did our usual custom checkin clearance blah blah and then we boarded the flight. It was such a relief for both of us. Wow.

Arrived at HKIA almost 3+ pm and we took a airport shuttle to our hotel at Pacific Island. It was located near town and also near Racing the Planet store where we can pick up our race pack. Pretty convenient within a stone’s throw away. Upon checkin and rested for abit, we left hotel to pick up our race pack. It was drizzling and I guess we were both tired from the bustle the morning. It was my first time visiting the interesting RTP store, there were many items to see which I have never seen before… there are no RTP store back home.. I was amazed by the many interesting mountaineering items there. Perhaps I resembled like a turtle in the shell…

Onwards after collection race pack, we left to meet his friends for dinner. I wasn’t sure if I can blend in since I couldn’t speak Hangul much but I was excited to meet his friends.. they are a friendly bunch of people and also sociable. We went for nice dumpling wanton noodles followed by eye tarts for dessert. And then we departed for more food while they went on for beer-loading.

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Managed to find my favourite mango dessert store at TST, yum yum. It was really delicious. Always been my favourite when I visit HK.

Really delicious desserts. We enjoyed it very much

Arrived back to Pacific Hotel and rested for the night before checking out tomorrow to Dorset Tsuen Wan. It was a 30mins MTR train journey followed by 10mins walking to the hotel. We arrived there at 3pm+ on Friday. Settled down and left for dinner by taking the bus shuttle to town. Had macdonalds for dinner loading and also oyster set meal.. The sweet potato ice cream was delicious! But I was freezing from the cold….brrrr. It was like 3degrees… the coldest ever.

We returned back to Hotel around 9pm, took shower and prepared for tomorrow’s big day.. packed items in both drop bag and finish line bag. Quite exhausted, fell asleep at 12+ still as mind is active and couldn’t rest well.

My gears for tomorrow! Hopefully I did not miss out any items~IMG_4227.JPG

Saturday – big day for me. I woke up at 5am, had breakfast and then we moved to the start line. It was so so cold! And gusts of wind! I was already freezing before start of race. Crazy! Many runners are covered head to toe with windbreakers, jackets, hoodies, buff, compression pants blah blah.. it was crazy cold start! There were a total of 1800-2000 participants..

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Kim and me parted at the start-line, he went to the front for a faster start. I was standing or rather hiding behind from the crowd in the sub 20 hour pen… brrrrrr… i was freeeeeezing..

3,2,1…….boooooo… and the start gun sounded… off we ran! or walk… it was crazy human jam at the start of race for almost one and a half hour.. route was narrow and runners were literally walking or even halted for a while. I was amongst them. Walking slowly and trudging along with the crowd.  I was feeling fine and great at the start however my eye sight got worse as I ran into my first 5km.. there was like a layer of mist covering my right eye and I was thinking – damn… why did this had to happen now?! (I had the same problem with IMWA2012) geez… but I had to push on and continue running.. the wind blew me as hard and strong and also threw me against a rock as I was climbing downhill from CP2 to CP3. My legs were feeling good but the eyes are not good..I had to squirm my eyes repeatedly to see where I was going. Sadly, I couldn’t appreciate the beautiful beaches or scenery surrounding me 😦

The elevation profile of the course…

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Honestly from 0-52km (cp1-cp5) it was doable, not so tough and not so steep except for CP4 -CP5 (at Kai Kung Shan) it wasn’t so tough to climb except that my eye sight got worse. As night falls, it got worse. I couldn’t see even the ground. Honestly, I got slightly ‘braver’ to run in the trails at night after MSIG with Kim. But due to the poor visibility of my eye sight plus the drastic drop in temperature, I couldn’t focus and see where I was landing. Hence I slipped a few times. I was praying hard that I can arrive at CP5 soon. The cut off time for CP5 was 9pm, I arrived there at 825pm. Took about 2 and half hour from cp4 to arrive there for a mere 7km. 😦 horrible pace!

As I arrived there, I had to collect my drop bag to change into my trousers and new socks.. but after changing, my eye sight were reduced to like 40% I could only see glimpses of people and things around me.. I decided to visit the medic once again to ‘save’ my eyes.. after 15mins at the medic tent with much shiver, nothing improved, eyes still can’t see clearly even with saline. Dammit! Do I really need to give up this race now?! I had tried so hard for the first 52km, really??

The organiser and medic advised me not to continue since eyesight plays an important part in night trail running plus the dip in temperature is really brutal. Everyone was like adding on layers and layers of warm clothing… as I was sitting there having my cup noodles thoughts of DNF crossed my mind. I really didn’t want to give up but #1 I couldn’t see nuts.. #2 I was shivering and freezing… due to my poor preparation of warm clothing for drogbag. I figured if I were to continue on, I might just died from hypothermia and no one would ever find my body … sigh… sadly as 9pm approaches, I decided to bite the bullet and bail out.. I consoled myself that at least I have come this far and did what I could.. next year 2017, I will return for revenge with better preparation and more guts!

Took a cab back to finish line to collect my finish bag with another sg runner at Tai mo shan. All these while, I was wondering if kim kept himself warm from the freezing cold.. I was worried he didn’t wear enough. I had confidence that he can complete the race well except for the brutal cold which will deplete everyone’s energy.

Arrived at finish line to collect my stuff and waited for a shuttle bus back to Tsuen Wan MTR..boy was I FREEZING! it was hellish cold and windy. I never experienced such weather before in my life. By the time the bus shuttle arrived, I was so glad to board it and thoughts of warm shower and a nice bed awaits me. Would have love to track Kim’s progress along the way but I couldn’t see anything still on my free-hotel phone hence I only could do it after shower back in hotel…

Slipping in and out of sleep, I had to track his progress as I fear his safety and also hope he finishes soon in this crazy weather. Finally at almost 3+am I saw that he have completed 100km so I drifted back to sleep, hoping he return back soon. At last, almost 6am I heard the door opened! There he was, looking disheveled and slightly disorientated, I’m pretty sure the cold weather totally wears him down! I was so glad to see him back safely. Thank God. And so that was my experience of my 1st DNF for 100km in HK100… I will try again next year (if I get a slot) and complete it.. my next 100km adventure will be Tarawera Ultramarathon. I hope (and I really hope) I can complete it. (fingers crossed)!

One word of advise – never mess with Mother nature.. no matter how strong a runner you are.. every participant on that day suffered badly with the extreme freeze.. it was one hell of a freezing weekend!

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Chase your dreams because you only live once

When I was young, I dreamt of going to USA, marry a caucasian man and have a beautiful baby. And then fast forward to 18, I met my 1st boyfriend and no he wasn’t a caucasian. In fact very Asian! He was a chinese guy – a swimming instructor. Well.. we had a good relationship he was nice and loving and perhaps so was I. But then we were both young.. and no stress about life. And then we dated for 3 years.. and then I always wanted to settle down.. at that time, I didn’t know what to expect in a relationship. I don’t know what to look for, I only know that so long as I fall in love, and that person loves me that is ample.. I was quite naive eh. But sometimes loving someone have no rationale. It just happens like that..now thinking back to my younger days, I wish I can rewind my time. I wish I had study more and pursue more in life and travel around the world but all these didn’t happen.. as I got older I began to realise how important and limited life(time) is.. if I don’t make something happen, perhaps it never will. Especially after witnessing my mom’s death in front of me.. I felt life ebbing out of me as she struggled to take every breath. From that moment on, I told myself not to regret living. Yes, we must of course work, earn and save $. Thats the usual route for most of us. But if I had to chose my life between a decent job and a relationship, I guess I chose the latter. At this point in life, the only thing that matters to me is of course my other half. I have had too much pain and regret and I don’t want to lose this relationship. People might say I am crazy, giving up a well-recognised job for some guy?! Seriously? My friend kept asking me are you sure he is the one. Honestly, how would you predict who’s the one? Would you know for sure?

Even if you were to marry that person, will you know he/she is the ONE? I tell you, we will not know. But one thing we will know is the way they made you feel. YOU WILL KNOW when you found that person, how that person makes you feel in your heart ? How that person makes you smile always? How that person treats you? How that person values and respect you? My answer to the above are all yes, I feel happy when I think of him, he treats me with respect and with much concern. That is sufficient for me. I don’t expect a lot from my partner, just a simple and loving relationship is all that matters to me. A sincere and faithful love. I don’t wish for a rich guy or someone who can buy me lots of material things in life, but just enough to support my dreams and love me for who I am. A relationship that allows me to chase my dreams and yet grow together as a couple.. This is my 2nd life… I call it new beginnings.. if i don’t chase my dreams now, then when? Till I’m 50? or when I’m on my death bed? I don’t want to regret anymore.. I want to stay LIVING out of the box and do what usual people won’t do. If it doesn’t work out, at least I have tried. At least I can look back and remember the beautiful memories we created. Of course, if it works out well.. that will be God’s gift for us. A fairytale and then I can leave peacefully after that 🙂

Monday thoughts..

Good day to all

I had a lovely weekend. I completed a half marathon in my best timing ever at 2:13:13 am very satisfied with myself but I know I can do better than that. Followed the 2:15 pacer throughout the entire race. I was amazed at myself for keeping up this pace although at 17km I started to lose some energy. But I told myself, I cannot give up. Pain is only temporary, achievement is forever. Yes! I did it when I crossed the finish line. Well done to myself 😀

On Saturday, I had a wonderful session of hot yoga. Felt at peace with my soul and my body. We need to treat our body with love and in turn it will reward us well with good health. My love completed his first 100k at Busan at an amazing timing of 15 hours + I am so very proud of him at his achievement. I doubt I would be able to do at this timing but nothing is impossible. 🙂

He contacted me after he finished his race. I was happy to hear from him and most importantly he was safe. That is something I always wished for, his safety. I went to bed feeling contented with his words in my heart.

And so today is the day that I will fly to Seoul and meet him. After 22 days since we last met in Taipei, I get to see him again tomorrow. Every single day, I pray to be reunited with him. Time never felt so slow before. I  packed my luggage last night and after work today, I will depart Singapore. Hurray!

Ever since I met him, life has never been the same. I felt warm all the time, when I used to feel so ‘cold’ in my heart. The coldness in my heart for the last 6 years almost killed me, this warmth now made me smile whenever I think about it. I honestly love him so much. I pray that this relationship will last till the end of time.

It is All Souls day today, a day we remembered our loved ones. I think of my mama and my grandma. Missed them too much. They will always stay in my mind forever. Amen.

Time ..

As I age, I realise that life is getting shorter.. I fear that I do not have enough time to do the things I want to do. I fear that tomorrow I might not be able to wake up and see the sunrise. Which is why I tell myself that I have to live everyday to the fullest, as if it is my last. Do the things I want to do, say the words I want to say. And be with who I want to be. Because my dear friends out there, LIFE is very fragile.

I do not want to waste a single moment of it regretting what I did not do when I was alive. As I am typing this, I am in a sentimental/melodrama mood, with the soothing background music of Yiruma, I have many thoughts as I am typing this.. At this moment now, there are people working, people running, people shopping.. every minute, every second, someone is doing something.. and the clock is ticking.

I really fear I do not have enough time on this earth. I fear that I will lose my loved ones should I leave suddenly. Hence everyday repeatedly I will tell them that I love them. I want them to remember me well. As a person who could inspire them, or as a person who cares for them. I am thinking of you darling as I am typing this.. I hope we have a beautiful future together and eventually we can settle down together somewhere in the world before time runs out. I am afraid that I won’t have the time to do that because darling, I fear you won’t be able to accept my past. I am afraid but I will try my best just because I love you that much. Leaving you folks with my favourite song of the night….

Long Distance Relationship

Long distance relationships are never easy. It is not one for the faint of heart. There are more days of being away than being together. If you are the clingy type, if you cannot live without seeing, touching, and feeling your partner next to you, do not get yourself into it.

I miss my love every single day, every minute, every second. There is not a moment where he is not on my mind. Perhaps I am just too impatient and always yearn to hear from him. When he doesn’t text me, I would be like wondering – what is he doing? where is he now? Is he with someone? maybe he forget about me?? and the paranoid just goes on and on ….

I became so nerve-wrecking that I cannot focus on what I should do.. perhaps I should update my blog? Play the piano? Cook something? Omg, it just drives me insane when I don’t hear from my love.. but I learn along the way to be patience, be understanding and be trusting with him.  Perhaps he is just busy, maybe sleeping? Maybe he isn’t checking his phone? So I told myself – I need to relax, just chill. Wait, meanwhile do stuffs to occupy my mind…

I miss you my love.. wherever you are.. I re-read your messages over and over again.. trying to comprehend if there are any hidden meanings.. I hope to hear from you soon and I cannot wait for my next trip to see you.

xoxo… yours

My Heart is with you ~My love

I am back from my taipei trip and it was a wonderful experience. I met my love of the lifetime and he accepted me! I’m so happy 😍

Already I am missing him every single minute of my life back here in Singapore. We had so much love for each other, we chatted and held hands, did everything a couple would do. It’s just amazing! I have never had such a feeling for a long long time. Thank you God for letting me know Kim. He is a sweetheart. ♡

This is a picture of us together in Taipei. We spent a wonderful 4 days there together, just like 2 peapods

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He is such a caring,attentive man. I went to support him in his 50km trail run and he gave me his medal. I have kept it in my wallet since as a remembrance of our trip together. I waited 5 hours for him at the finish line feeling awfully cold,shivering and without lunch but it’s totally worth it. I will never ask for more to spend time to support my love in all his races.

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The keepsake Medal which I treasure

Really love him so much.. my sweetheart.

I look forward already to our next trip together on Nov when I will get to see him again ☺

Life is about Timing & chance

Hey there!

Been awhile since I last blog! Was kinda busy and then also lazy to gather my thoughts. But tonight is a good time to pen down some thoughts and what’s been happening in my life.

I just returned from Hanoi, went for a mountain race and though I was hesitant about going but I guess things always happen for a reason. And indeed it did! How should I put it? I was on solo (as usual) on my trip feeling kinda bored that Im always alone but yet Im totally used to such feelings. So from the start, I wasn’t really looking forward to the trip and the race but the race went well.. the scenery was pleasantly scenic and beautiful. The run was exceptionally tough & challenging and most importantly I completed it! Hurray! I did the 21km half marathon and here was me, happily holding my medal for a picture at the finish line 😀

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This race is totally an awesome trail run & I swear to return next year in 2016 to complete a full Marathon at the very least!! I know I can do it just that this year I wasn’t really prepare for it since I was too busy lately. Anyway the main gist of this post is to speak about someone whom I met there. That person is constantly on my mind, I am thinking of him even now as I type. I don’t know why I felt this way but the moment we said hi on the bus to Sapa, I was enchanted by him. It is definitely not a crush. I am way mature enough to know it. I felt something stirring in my heart..He is a south korean guy, young chap, great guy, friendly and we shared lots of common interests. To cut it short, we met each other at the correct place, correct time and we just clicked. We spent every single day of the trip together. Time was short, just 3 days but it was a wonderful 3 days. And then I wasn’t alone anymore and we ate our meals together, we chatted and we had so many things to share. He even escorted me back to my Hanoi hotel from sapa. He was a sweetheart! I couldn’t bear to let him go, I gave him a hug the last we departed. And from then on, we been in contact. Call it a holiday romance.. but I have never felt this way before since I traveled so often, I have met so many strangers, we have exchanged contacts but none lasted more than a day..

I know it is hard to maintain a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) because he is stationed in Taipei while I am in Singapore. Eventually he will go back to Korea … I do not know of our outcome but I do know that life is short and I must seek what I want. I will try to reveal my feelings to him if I see him in Taipei.  That was my original planned trip there (before I met him) it just happened that I felt like going Taipei after Viet and so you see, this trip happens for a reason. Im glad I am going Taipei and I am looking forward to it very much. I do not know if he likes me or whether he is willing to give us a chance. But I will try. At least I will know if I try. Regardless of how far apart we are. Im sure if something is meant to be it will be. So I will check in here again and update in my next blog whether I succeed or not… and indeed.. life is about timing & chances…

140.6 – A brag of a lifetime :D

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And so a month plus have since passed and I finally had time to post about my latest achievement.. that is a completion of an IRONMAN!! (yay) !

It started 1 year ago in 2012 when I login the ironman website http://www.ironman.com to register for my 1st ever Ironman race. After that morning of registration, it was just all about psyching myself and training hard everyday! Hell yes, I had to spend most of my time training, either gyming, running, swimming, biking and the whole cycle keeps going on and on for 1 year till D-day!

Sometimes I felt so tired from the work in the daytime but training have to go on! So I had to be very determined and stay self-discipline to keep doing what I had to do. I do not wana DNF(did not finish) since the registration fee isn’t cheap!! I remembered it was a whooping AUD745? I believed so..

So ya, for the whole of 2013, I trained everyday and towards the last 3 months to D-day, I picked up momentum in my training and go for long mileage bike rides with my friends. I gymed during lunch hours and then go for a run / swim after work. Almost everyday, I have my dinner close to 9pm.

When the day finally arrived for me to depart to Perth on 5th Dec, I was getting nervous and yet looking forward to the moment when I finish the race. Here we are, all excited at the airport and raring to go.. (as if) haha

1462092_10151991698564404_1790138601_nAnd we arrived at Perth in the morning, all tired from the red-eye flight, I couldn’t sleep well on plane and so was quite tired.. the moment I arrived Perth, I had to get myself a cuppa to sooth those tired nerves. We hopped on to our transport, loaded up our bike boxes and are on our way to Busselton!

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That’s me!

After about 2 hours, we finally arrived in Busselton village. The place where our Ironman race is to take place. It was a quiet nice town, with nice little quaint shops by the road side. Pretty peaceful too. This is our Chalet which we booked for the next 6 days. Very decent isn’t it, it has 2 rooms, one with 4 bunk beds and another one with a queen sized bed, a kitchenette, living room and a bathroom. Just nice for 5 of us.

1488777_10152004462114404_1274401359_oAs soon as we settled down, we set up our bikes (an arduous process!) just to ensure everything works fine. That’s the problem with traveling with bikes for triathlons, the bike is our biggest headache, because if anything happens to it during flight, its game over. Meaning no need to race anymore. So thankfully all our bikes are all set up and fine after fixing them up! We lined up all our shoes, boy were there many pairs! 1 person with 2 pairs of shoes! Bike shoes, running shoes and slippers! so 5 persons with 10 pairs! haha.

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1505824_10152004463219404_1416950448_oAfter settling down, it was time to head down to Signal Park to pick up our race expo stuffs and some IM shopping! hehe. We managed to walk there as it was probably about 1km or so.. it was nice walking except for the irritating houseflies buzzing around us constantly!!!

We reached Signal Park and collected our race stuffs and did some shopping too. I bought like quite a few tees, a hoodie, some stickers, some tri gears, a goggle, ya quite a lot right. But I need some shopping to calm me down haha. And besides, these gears are really nice and you don’t get them anywhere in Singapore! So below is a pic of me looking happy with my stash!

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My IM race pack consists of run bag, bike bag,street gear bag, bibs, tags and pre & post cargo dinner tags and a Gatorade bottle (not inside the pic)

And then we headed out to Woolsworth after Signal park to get some groceries, need to plan what to cook and what to eat haha. And I think we bought a little too much because looked at those groceries below! It looks as if we are here to stay for a month!

1488909_10152004451919404_21421430_oAnyway, we headed back to our Chalet as the night starts to get colder and rested for the day. It was a long day today.. Lights off after dinner!

Day 2 of Busselton – We woke up around 530am (it was already quite bright then) and ate some breakfast before heading out for our wetsuit practise swim.. brrr and boy was it freaking cold! I shivered throughout and I could feel the coldness biting into my skin as I stepped into the cold cold water!!! With my tri-suit, lycra suit and my wetsuit, I’m still feeling cold! Gosh, its really freezing.. here we are looking all cold in the water.. one of our other friend isn’t in the pic as he has gone for his swim, he wasn’t quite intimidated by the cold. haha. We tried to swim a bit and get used to the water before heading back to Chalet for a trial test bike ride. Again, that’s the problem with doing Triathlons, you need to test the water, you need to test the bike but you don’t need to test the run though haha. Or at least not us. We just wana ensure that our bikes are in perfect working condition before D-day. After testing our bikes, it was time to head back again to our Chalet for home cooked lunch by one of our friend. He’s a good cook 😛

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We spent the night packing our stuffs as we have to check in all essentials tomorrow including our bikes..I was trying hard to NOT forget what to pack! haha. That’s another problem with doing an IM, you cannot afford to forget your essentials as every bit seems important. so after cracking our heads, discussing what to bring and what not, we finally packed our stuffs into our individual bags. BTW, the red bags mean Run (Red), blue bags means Bike. Cool isn’t it. And another one is Black which isn’t in the picture, that is the street gear bag where you can check in on D-day itself with your jacket, slippers, whatever stuffs blah blah..

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Day 3 of Busselton – We were supposed to wake up early for another wetsuit swim but all overslept and so we ended up not going.. Except to check in our bikes & stuffs at the race site, so we loaded up our bikes on a truck which the Chalet owner so kindly lend us. Below is me after checking in my bike.. 😀

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Bib #731 is me 🙂

Say Byebye to my bike and my stuffs as we depart back to chalet. Tommorow is D-DAY! Oh my God, this is it, isn’t it. Its like I couldn’t believe it and can’t wait to get it over with either, but yet, feeling nervous and scare. And I kept recollecting what did I miss out to check in at the transition area, I was so afraid I would forget something… energy bars checked, gummies checked, salt tablet checked, nutrition checked, race bib checked, helmet checked, bike shoes checked… the list just goes on and on.

We had our early dinner at a nearby pizza place and headed back to rest for the night. As we needed to wake up at 3am tomorrow, all our nerves are fried. we are worried, excited and having mixed emotions.. errr..

D-DAY! (Dec 8th) – Yep, this is it! THIS IS IT! This morning we all woke up at 3am, groggy and frogged eyes… omg, its like the moment I have been waiting for the moment to be ‘certified’ … We arrived at the transition area by 515am and do our final check before the race flags off at 545am. Everything seems fine ok.. I should be ready – telling self. With a worried mind, we walked to the transition area to check in our street gear bags and I nearly forgot to check in my slippers, talking about nervousness huh. It is time for the race to start, it is time finally after a year of training, to do what I need to do, pace well and keep going..

Swim – 3.8km

The horn sound without much notice and everyone just starts to swim, I was like oh the race has started? Ok. I shall start to swim now then. And I swam like no tomorrow. I was so damn worried that there will be sharks.. and I kept looking down at the sea bed to see if there are any. (not that I hope to see any) hahah

The 3.8km seems like an eternity! Never ending.. I switched between front crawl and breast-stroke (towards the end) and finally I hit shore! Was I relieved!! I remembered the commentor calling my name as I walked pass the crowd, I was a bit giddy from the horizontal swim, so couldn’t walk straightly for awhile. haha.  Leg 1 of the race completed!! woots!

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The long jetty swim above, we had to loop 1 round and back.

Bike – 180km

Hell yes, this is the hardest part out of the 3 leg. 180km of bike, no joke man! Its what I feared most because anything could happen on the bike, either the bike fail or you fail.. and 180km will hurt yr bums like shit! Thank God I did a lot of mileage rides before this race to prep my bums for such a long long long ride… and I wore a cycling shorts over my tri shorts for double protection. We had to do 3 loops of the bike course, per loop 60km, my 1st loop was pretty ok but because I started my bike quite late, most people are already ahead of me. No worries, Rach I told myself. So long as I pace well, I can do this. So I was determined to complete my bike no matter what it takes, unless my bike fails me which is fated, else I need to keep pedaling non stop.

Loop 2 was hard! And I meant real hard! The head wind + the cold doesn’t help. Plus I had blurred vision throughout my ride, it must be the sunblock or moisturiser oil that got into my eyes when I rubbed them after the swim, so I can hardly see clearly except for blur visions.. I seriously never felt so low before.. I cried as I kept cycling, I was praying that this suffering would end soon, and by praying I could divert my attention to God and not focus on the pain. The wind was constantly blowing at my face in all directions, I don’t know how to go against it. My only consolation is that I have another final loop to go and thats it.  So I gritted my teeth and finally, finally! I reached the bike stop line after 3 loops of cycle! I remembered the time was 330pm. God, I have been cycling non-stop for 7 and a half hours.. bloody hell. I was so so glad that I made it for the bike! Leg 2 completed! hurray!!! And all this while, I was holding on my pee, as I didn’t want to stop while biking.. though I did 1 stop at a water point to refill my bottle and that’s it.  I had only 3 gels, 1 energy bar & 4 salt tablets for the entire bike leg.

Run – 42.2km

I have absolutely no fear for this leg at all, because running has always been my strongest. Not that I’m a fast runner but anything to do with running, I’m fine. I’m not daunted by its distance..Running is the easiest out of the 3 leg because if you can’t run, you brisk walk!  Anyway because of my blurry vision, I couldn’t really make out what is around me etc, I could only see visions of people, monuments etc. And at the transition area before I started to run, I bumped into some friends and we encouraged each other to keep going and not stop.. its great to have friends who do the same race as you so you won’t feel so lonely too.

We had to do 4 loops of the run, I figured I should be able to complete my run in 5hr30mins? The moment I started running, I was looking for a toilet. I really needed to pee! Not to worry, there are plenty along the run route, phew. (a Relief!) But seriously my body felt so tired after all the swim and bike, that I started to walk after 21km, yes, the 1st 21km I was running by myself until the next half when I couldn’t run anymore and so I walked as fast as I could with a friend of mine. I was glad to have her around as my blurry vision is almost killing me.. I couldn’t see shit. Only silhouette of people and lights.. and a few times I nearly hit the cones on the road.. 😦

As the night falls, the temperatures dropped and I got cold, so cold that I couldn’t stand it, thank God I had my windbreaker on and that saved me, but even then it was still cold. The wind is biting and I am so fatigued! I kept telling myself, don’t give up, you have come this far, you cannot stop now. Just keep pushing, Rachel. By the end of 3 loops, I could almost taste victory, every time I passed by the finish line, I hear the commentor announcing some people that they are an ironman and I was wishing it was me there. I could have continued running at some point but I didn’t want to, and timing was secondary to me.  I still have my final loop of run to go, and so my friend & I, we pushed on, walked as fast as we could, run a little bit, and we finally got our 4th loop of band, we are that close to the finish line, yes, that close! Just 150m to go to the finish line, I started to adjust my hair, my gears, my visor because I wanted a good finishing pic of myself. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for, as I crossed the finished line, I hi-fived all the spectators, I couldn’t contain my excitement. It was like being a young kid again in a candy store. There were so much cheers around me despite my blur vision, I knew these spectators are waiting for me, for us, to cheer and congratulate us!

I hear those words finally after what seems like an eternity

– Rachel Lee, YOU ARE AN IRONMAN!!!!! 

And that’s me looking so super happy at the finish line!! I bought the cycle pic of myself for keepsake remembrance, looking quite exhausted then.

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1487954_10152004205719404_36940708_oI am finally a qualified IRON(WO)MAN! Now I can brag for the rest of my life and because I always told myself that I will do a Tattoo after completing one – I went to ink for remembrance.. 😀 so I can tell those tales to my grandchildren in future.

1478933_10152029203264404_1946791768_nSo for those of you out there, who wants to complete an Ironman, Nothing is Impossible;D

I dedicate this race to my late mom and my granny. From them, I seek strength xoxo

The 2 most important women in my life

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This picture above was taken at the Istana when me & my parents and granny went to visit the then President –

Mr Wee Kim Wee

My granny passed away on Nov 27th 2013. Without any last words, she left us just like that while cooking dinner as usual on a normal Wednesday evening. Little does my grandpa knew what went through her mind during the last few minutes of her life in the kitchen as he was sitting in the living room.

My mom too, passed away as suddenly on Apr 10 2012. These 2 deaths have the biggest impact on my life. When I was young, I used to hang out with them every weekends. We would arranged to go to the then ‘Yaohan’ to shop and eat… and then granny will come over to our house for a friendly weekly mahjong session together with grandpa.

I remembered gran and mom used to cook together.. they would share wonderful recipes and cooked many delicious food for us all. They sewed together, go on short trips together, and chat on the phone daily sharing life tips and catch ups with each other. Thus, they grew very close to each other..

Even when mom couldn’t walk properly, she would still make her way to gran’s house and bring her for her monthly checkup. Even when mom is partially blind, she would still sewed and cooked for us. Even when gran can’t walk she would still wake up early in the morning and prepare coffee for my cousin. These are the efforts they put in which I will never forget

With their passing, they taught me an important life lesson – to live well with no regrets and to live strong despite difficulties. And never never take things/people around you for granted. They are the most resilient women I have ever met in this life. Faced with tough challenges, they would still fight on and braved the storm.

Now that is one very strong reason for me to badly complete the coming ironman and that is for you too, Gran (Ah Ma as I always called her) I will endure the pain come what may, grit through what I need to go through. This race is solely dedicated to both of you. You both are the most WONDERFUL women in my life and have taught me to become a strong woman like you too.

I pray that you both seek solace in each other’s company in God’s kingdom… till we meet again..

This song below is dedicated to the both of you..

Always remembering you…

Love

Your daughter & Ah Ping (your grand daughter) xoxo